I am amazing, go ahead, say it to yourself.

Nope, not drunk this time.
But it's positive affirmations time.
A gentleman once said to me:
"Darling, you need to realize that you are worth any work that a man has to do to be with you. If they want to be with you, it costs and they have to be prepared to pay. And if they're not then it's their loss not yours."

Every now and then I have to read that. Remind myself that I deserve everything I've worked for. That I will find someone that deserves me. For me.

But now, I am packing my bags and getting ready for an incredible trip to Thailand.

Good bye bad habit! Hello freedom.

Too many words

On the Skytrain ride home after several drinks with friends I ponder this: did I say too much? Seriously.
Lie: I'm perfectly happy going home alone.
Truth: A warm body would have been nice.

Lie: I'm 100% content seeing everyone go home with or home to their partners.
Truth: I'm fucking tired of it.

Truth: I'm scared of leaving town. I want to stay home and remain safe.
Lie: I want to stay home.

The truth of the matter is that the liquid courage in me right now probably scared someone off of turned them off. Ironically, if he had said the same to me I would already be there. The novelty of the 'games' has certainly worn off. Perhaps it is a sign of the return to normalcy. Whatever that means. All I know is that I'm sitting on the Sktytrain at Nanaimo Station and the buzz is wearing off. The next 2 days are going to be rough. My manager joked that he's never seen me cry. I thin I'll make up for that tomorrow and on Friday. Big ball O tears coming right at you.

One friend already declined to meet up for one last drink. Too emotional a task. I can't really blame her. I'm hoping tomorrow and Friday are quick and painless. And I just hope there's a couch for me to sleep on. Somewhere.

Off into the unknown

Escape, run away, put head in sand, avoid reality.

Really, that's what this trip is for me. Someone put it in my head to travel to Thailand so off I go for a month. I'm terrified of what awaits or doesn't await me when I come back.

The life I threw myself into these past 6 months has made me want more and less of it. It takes a strong person to pick up their life and move. Yes, family is just a phone call away, but it's not quite the same. You risk burning yourself out living a lifestyle of "going big or going home." I struggled to find my place in it all. My involvement was temporary, somewhat privileged and unique. I have a job to go back to. My family is 30 minutes or less away. My home is here. The people that come into your life in through these events rarely stay behind. They've definitely left a mark, some more than others.

Ultimately:

new direction: description through tumblr

I've become addicted to tumblr and those damn photos with bits of words that seem to say everything that I'm feeling.

Let's start with #1:

I saw this one on April 3rd and it pretty much sums up how the end of the Games feels for me. All these amazing, inspiring people came to Vancouver and the ones I'll miss the most are all leaving. Please, come back soon.