Day 17 - Your highs and lows of the last year

The last year has been an absolute yo-yo. I had the most amazing Jan, Feb & March. Then everything dropped out and depression sunk in.

I'm back at the low point again. And I'm fighting to keep my head above ground again.

Despite what most people think, you wear your feelings on your sleeve and mine certainly show through at work. I've fucked a few things up but proven myself in others.

I worked with the most amazing team of people from all over the world. For 6 months they were my life and support network. Then, one morning, they were gone and I had to return to real life. A brief escape to Thailand was not enough. Returning to work where nothing had changed and I had to be fit into a role that no one had for me was excruciating.

So now, I am in the process of deciding where I want to go from here. I really need some time off and time for myself.

Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music

I guess this is supposed to spark some debate or deep conversation. In reality, I love BEP, Madonna, Xtina and the rest of them. I like anything that makes me to one or more of the following:

dance

think

sing

move

smile

cry

DAy 15 - Your favourite Tumblrs

Oh gawd. There are so many.

That Obscure Object

Suicide Blonde

Curve Appeal

The Dainty Squid

Those would have to be my top 4. I have no idea how Tumblr works. I tried setting up an account once and it was a disaster. I decided to just follow instead.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory

My earliest and most consistent memory is during mom's nap time. I was very lucky to have a mom that was able to stay home and take care of me and my siblings. My mother has always been a 'napper' and afternoon naps were her time to put the kids down for a nap or send us downstairs to play quietly for an hour or so.

We had an old tv in the basement that had 13 channels then you had to select 'U' to go to the upper channels. I watched I Love Lucy on that tv every afternoon. I specifically remember when it was sunny out and a cloud passed by and made it darker in the house.

Strange memories, I know. Everything else I think of as a first memory seems made up or created in my head.

Tastes are certainly part of my memory and always have been: froot loops, cheerios, black forest cherry cake, potato chips, apple juice and mandarin oranges.

Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit

Anywhere?
That's not really an answer though.
I would absolutely love to go to Paris and just exist. Wander the city. Take fake art photos and enjoy every little corner of it. Find my favourite cafes and bakeries. Speak a little French, fail miserably and love every minute of it.
Some people that I've talked to could not stand Paris. They said it was dirty, unfriendly and unenjoyable. When I was there in 2005 I loved it (except for the 3 hour train experience to Versailles).
The grocer down the street from my hostel was friendly and we made small talk. The city was easy to navigate and the Metro system was incredible. It was the last city that I got to stay in all by myself. No family, no friends, just me.



Courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32086350@N05/3894589729/

Day 12 - Bullet your whole day

I'm so 20th Century. I had to confirm what I thought 'bulleting' was.

-Woke up at 6:00am
-Caught the early bus
-Ate breakfast consisting of blueberries and cereal
-Gave in and messaged the boy
-Boy responded and apologized for not calling last night
-Wasted time in team 'meeting' (no agenda)
-Attended another meeting (slightly more productive)
-Went to Starbucks for a chai latte - LOVE THEM
-Attended lunch time session on green activities
-Ate homemade chili for lunch
-Sat at desk and made phone calls
-Got an email about a potential overseas job
-Caught the train home
-Went to gym and had wicked workout (note to self, must do this more often)
-Heated up leftovers and watched Teen Mom 2
-Realized I'm incredibly behind on this list and decided to catch up
-Next: Bed with cat

Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up

I miss my walkman. A lot.
I have an iPod. I finally got one for Christmas but my old-school Mac won't let me download the new iTunes without upgrading the operating system (which costs money.)
In summary: there is no shuffling of an iPod for me.

iTunes DJ populated the following:
Zombie: The Cranberries
Spinning in Daffodils: Them Crooked Vultures
It Can't Come Quickly Enough: Scissor Sisters
Head over Feet: Alanis Morissette
two step: Dave Mathews
Know the Difference: INXS
Lily (My One and Only): The Smashing Pumpkins
My Strange Uncles From Abroad: Gogol Bordello
O.N.E.: Yeasayer

I should also mention that all my music is friend friends. Half of it I don't even recognize. It's always a surprise when I hit the iTunes DJ.

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss

Does anyone else think those are 2 VERY different things?

My first REAL kiss was when I was 18, on top of Burnaby Mountain, I think I was a little tipsy. It was with my first boyfriend (which was quite short-lived as her returned to his ex-girlfriend and dumped me while I was sick with the dreaded mono).
I honestly don't remember too much. It was cold, I was nervous and I think I did alright.

First love? I'm not really sure if I've experienced love. I refuse to write about my ex-bf that wasted over a year of my life. But I think I loved him. So we'll go with the fact that because I spent that time with him I know what I need and want for myself. Sort of like a Christina Aguilera song.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like

I was tasked a few months ago with writing a letter to myself, 20 or 30 years in the future. I haven't done that yet. I'll admit that I'm a little scared.
What do I want? Can I say right now what I want in the future and what does the future mean? 1 year? 5 years? 20 years?

What I know:
I want to travel more.
I want to feel loved.
I want to give more.
I do not want to be at the same job.
Yes, I would like a family. Is it scary to say that I think I have 10 years to this?

Right now, I can't see out of the fog. I just want to take a step and not fall right now. Though if I do fall I would like someone to give me a hand up.

Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life

These are counseling session questions, right? Because I feel like I'm going on a journey through me.

Satisfaction: Every time I've completed a race. I didn't care about coming in first or last. All that mattered was that I did it. My most memorable was a triathlon 2 years ago. I felt strong, surrounded by friends and that I did it all myself. I was going to write something career related but lately I have felt like absolute shite at work, so much that I'm sitting in my corner crying softly. I need to escape. I've never been one to sit quietly and let things run its course but right now that seems like the safest option.

Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if it fits your personality

Oh dear. I don't think I know enough about my zodiac sign, I've never really followed it.
I'm a Gemini.
I think that means that I have multiple sides to myself. I'm quiet yet animated, emotional yet stoic, forgiving yet I hold animosity against those that wrong me. I am self-aware and self-conscious at the same time.

Those that know Gemini's write up: do I fit it?

Delays - Days 04-06

Yes, I am a terrible blogger when it comes to commitment and following through on challenges.
One thing I have realized from challenges is that you must dust yourself off and keep on trucking.

So, Day 04 - Your views on religion
These have changed immensely since i was younger. Growing up in a bible-thumping town on the outskirts of Vancouver I grew to despise anyone that went to church regardless of the sect. Today, I am more easy going. I have taken several religious studies classes in university and realize now that there are principles among all of the worlds large and small religions that can make us better people. Ultimately, I'm a "golden rule" kind of girl. Treat others as you would have them treat you. Simple, I know, but I prefer to keep it simple. I've never attended a religious service (aside from funerals and weddings), Sundays were meant for sleeping in, going for walks and watching football or golf with my dad.

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Wow - I don't know if I've ever really thought about it. Not detailed anyways. I've had my depressed moments were I wondering what life would be like without me. But the means of ending have not crossed my mind. Instead of ending my life I've always wondered about changing it completely and running away. Avoiding mortgage payments, work responsibilities and such. Maybe Paris, Australia, London. Anywhere but here.

Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself
Fuuuuuuck
1-I wear socks at night and kick them off in my sleep.
2-I practice everything that I say. Every situation. It never works out, but I pretend it will.
3-The person I've loved the most in my life will probably never know.
4-I have struggled with my weight my entire life. And I always will.
5-I love public speaking. I can't stand speakers that plan everything and even have jokes written out word for word.
6-If I could do school over again I would probably not have gone to university and instead done a vocational program.
7-I didn't take English in high school from grades 8-10, I took humanities and regret it.
8-I hold grudges. But try not to let them run my life.
9-I am currently bored of this 30 fact thing.
10-I have been called the most sexual person by a friend of mine.
11-I do not have cable.
12-I miss having cable, just a little.
13-Until I met oh sweetie I thought domestic tasks were not feminist/female positive. I am grateful she is part of my life.
14-Yes, I want children. Finding the right man to share this responsibility with is the hardest task of my life.
15-I have had few romantic things done for me. I really should coach guys on this.
16-I've contemplated 30 day vegetarian challenges but my pre-planning skills have lacked in the last year.
17-I went to Thailand last year and didn't have as much fun as I thought I would.
18-I am addicted to carbs.
19-Being both a night owl and an early bird is killer.
20-I have always been far too mature for my age.
21-I have hidden much of my original blog postings from you.
22-Thinking of my deceased family members will make me cry at any moment. Nana, Papa, Grandpa - you are missed.
23-I'm terrified that I will never meet someone that will stay with me for my whole life and share it with me.
24-I love shoes. I have bought pairs that I will never wear. I hope to one day wear them for someone special.
25-I am a white, anglo-saxon middle-class woman that has been mistaken as racist, colonist and ditzy. Appearances can be deceiving.
26-My ideal date would be dancing to Ella Fitzgerald in my apartment with the lights low.
27-There are some days that I feel extremely lonely and alone. Those 2 together are very depressing.
28-I wonder what it would be like to be with a girl again.
29-I can have full conversations in my sleep/dreams. They're scary realistic.
30-I'm too lazy to do a springform questionaire thing. If you want more, email or comment.

Almost forgot! Day 3!

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Fuck.
I hate drugs. I can't stand them. They tear families apart and ruin good people. Having known people close to me that have struggled with addiction in many forms, I truly with the stuff was banned. I don't buy into the argument about how some drugs have been colonized and blah, blah, blah. Evil. Pure and simple.
Saying that, however, I know that many people would disagree, especially the fact that I thoroughly enjoy several good drinks in a safe environment. I'm all about the safety. I dated a guy that had issues with alcohol that on at least 2 occasions drank and then drove. It was scary.
For both drugs and alcohol: be aware of your limits and the comfort level of those around you.

That is all from the desk of ~sg.

2021 - into the future

30 Day Challenge continued
Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years

Fuck. That's a scary question. In 10 years I'd prefer to be done my baby making, or at least on the last one. Shit, did I just say baby? Yes, in fact, I think I do want that. But I so rarely see myself there as I have yet to meet a guy to share a family with. A friend of mine recently asked me if I would think of having a child on my own and I wasn't sure about the answer. Single people that have children tend to be seen as selfish - but what about couples - isn't is selfish for couples to want to have children as well?
In 10 years I want to be a leader, confident and loved. Simple, yet true.