Sunday, December 19, 2010

Happy Christmas and all that jazz

Loneliness is a lot of things. Around the holidays it's typically amplified by the notion that you have to be around people and social and happy. I don't mind the social bit. Not one bit. It's the people that cozy up and get all mushy that make me want to vomit. But this isn't about relationships, it's about friendships. Since March of this past year I've lost a tonne of friends and acquaintances that all went home to their respective cities/countries/continents. The pool of people that rocked my world has dried up a little bit. They were the type of people to do things and have fun. That had plans every weekend and wanted to experience life: and they did.

Since June I have been working on re-integrating myself back into the life deemed 'normal' by people I know. It hasn't been easy. My family has been great but sometimes you want a solid group of people to have some drinks and go dancing with or even hit up the mountain. Some of my friends I had prior to last year have decided to exclude me from their escapades and do so without acknowledging it. Without even thinking about it. That, my friends, is loneliness. Ironically, they're the same friends that couldn't/wouldn't let me be emotional and honest with. It leaves me wondering.

Today was a good day though. Got myself out of bed, watched some tv and then tempted fate and went Christmas shopping downtown with a single gal ally. Thank goodness for allies that can visit lingerie stores and support the idea of purchasing something, merely for yourself. Or, perhaps, purple PUMA sneakers that really are fantastic. And while I should be buying my family gifts, this one was deserved.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

MOH at your service

Wow, so as irony goes the older sister is destined to be an old maid while the younger is engaged and ready for marriage.
When I first heard that my sister was engaged I had a small panic attack. I didn't know what to say or do or feel. Ultimately I am happy. I am happy that she has found someone that she feels completes her. Flattered as well as I've been asked to fill the role of Maid of Honour. Essentially, that means keeping the crazy family in control, finding peace, negotiating and dealing with the small but frustrating details.

At the same time that she has become engaged I continue to meet people that have recently split with their significant other. A once close friend of mine just told me that her and her husband separated 5 months ago. I'm not shocked at the event but rather that she actually did it.

Today a friend asked me if I was happy. There are many times in the day that I am happy. I'm lucky to be healthy, strong, employed and many other things. Riding down the mountain with the boy 2 weekends ago made me smile so wide. I felt free, challenged, cared about. However I may have just imagined the whole damn thing. I'm headed up to the promised land again this weekend with some different friends. The weekend approaches and I simply cannot wait! Today, yes, I am happy. I averted a crisis, got work done and am ready for a wicked time on the slopes.
Tomorrow, is another day.