Loneliness is a lot of things. Around the holidays it's typically amplified by the notion that you have to be around people and social and happy. I don't mind the social bit. Not one bit. It's the people that cozy up and get all mushy that make me want to vomit. But this isn't about relationships, it's about friendships. Since March of this past year I've lost a tonne of friends and acquaintances that all went home to their respective cities/countries/continents. The pool of people that rocked my world has dried up a little bit. They were the type of people to do things and have fun. That had plans every weekend and wanted to experience life: and they did.
Since June I have been working on re-integrating myself back into the life deemed 'normal' by people I know. It hasn't been easy. My family has been great but sometimes you want a solid group of people to have some drinks and go dancing with or even hit up the mountain. Some of my friends I had prior to last year have decided to exclude me from their escapades and do so without acknowledging it. Without even thinking about it. That, my friends, is loneliness. Ironically, they're the same friends that couldn't/wouldn't let me be emotional and honest with. It leaves me wondering.
Today was a good day though. Got myself out of bed, watched some tv and then tempted fate and went Christmas shopping downtown with a single gal ally. Thank goodness for allies that can visit lingerie stores and support the idea of purchasing something, merely for yourself. Or, perhaps, purple PUMA sneakers that really are fantastic. And while I should be buying my family gifts, this one was deserved.