On the Skytrain ride home after several drinks with friends I ponder this: did I say too much? Seriously.
Lie: I'm perfectly happy going home alone.
Truth: A warm body would have been nice.
Lie: I'm 100% content seeing everyone go home with or home to their partners.
Truth: I'm fucking tired of it.
Truth: I'm scared of leaving town. I want to stay home and remain safe.
Lie: I want to stay home.
The truth of the matter is that the liquid courage in me right now probably scared someone off of turned them off. Ironically, if he had said the same to me I would already be there. The novelty of the 'games' has certainly worn off. Perhaps it is a sign of the return to normalcy. Whatever that means. All I know is that I'm sitting on the Sktytrain at Nanaimo Station and the buzz is wearing off. The next 2 days are going to be rough. My manager joked that he's never seen me cry. I thin I'll make up for that tomorrow and on Friday. Big ball O tears coming right at you.
One friend already declined to meet up for one last drink. Too emotional a task. I can't really blame her. I'm hoping tomorrow and Friday are quick and painless. And I just hope there's a couch for me to sleep on. Somewhere.