You were already cut

I have to laugh sometimes. Really, it's the only way to look at things.
Today's addition to 'Laugh at/with Single Gal' is the text message I received this morning:
"Hey -----. Sorry I haven't texted for a while. My ex had a change of heart and we started dating again. I don't multi date; I can barely handle on. Lol. I really enjoyed our time [together]!!!"

Really dude? You enjoyed your time with me. Duh! I think I already knew that. This dude was already cut and I hadn't thought about him since the day after we said farewell. Okay, maybe once but that doesn't really count.

A few points:
-I'm glad your ex had a change of heart. I hope you're happy together.
-Great semi-colon usage.
-Please, don't think that if you and your girl split again that you can call me. I rarely have a change of heart.



Besides - "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

Unfinished business Day 18: Your beliefs

Shit, of course I return to a difficult topic.

My beliefs in a nutshell:

You only live once. Do whatever you can to have an amazing story. Whether that means traveling a shit-tonne, volunteer, read the top 100 classic pieces of fiction or having a giant family of 12+ children. But make the most of every moment.
Do not sit idly waiting for adventure to come to you. Cancel your cable, tuck your phone away and go see the city. Talk to a stranger. Give a homeless guy a homemade muffin. Fight for your story!
Yes, there are times where the battle is simply not worth it. Yes, there are times when you are told by someone that your opinion is too strong and that you walk too loudly. That you have been quieter than normal and no one asks you why or checks in to see that everything is okay. And yes, sometimes you have to take it. Save your strength for battles that are truly worth fighting.
But for goodness sake, wear your high heels and piss them off. Live your life. It's the only one you have.

PS - If you wanted something deeper, it ain't happening tonight.

Learn from those steps

"You never fail, you simply produce results. Learn from these."

Movements which do not alter respiration are not called exercise." ~Galen, physician to the gladiators

This morning's events were a long time coming. Three years ago this July I started running. It was painful, it is still painful. But this morning I ran 21.1km. There were a few walk breaks in between. A few tears. A lot of pain. I didn't finish in the time I thought I would, but I finished something that three years ago, I didn't think I ever would. Finish my first half marathon.



I'll be honest, I thought I was better prepared, but when I hit the Burrard Street Bridge and started running up that hill, every step I took felt like I was hiking the Grouse Grind.
At the finish line I had family and friends waiting for me. Friends that while I don't get to see all the time, show their quality every time that it's needed. For that, I am grateful. My 'best friends' couldn't even call or text to wish me good luck. Puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?

Tomorrow, I jump back on the healthy train (after today's gorge of brunch at Milestones and then pizza for dinner.) I've got a wedding to attend in 2 months, damn it!

Lessons from today's events:
~Good people show up when you need them the most. Be sure to return the favour.
~Always carry water. Always.
~Sleep is underrated. Nothing beats a 3 hour, post 21.1km run.
~At some point we all hit a wall. If you choose to persevere, to continue, you have already succeeded.



Next time I'll talk about something more saucy or interesting. Today was all about running.

But only by the grace of kind strangers

Well, we're back. Lessons have been learned. Battles fought and backbones strengthened.

Let's get back to business shall we?

I've been outed to some that I did not expect to be outed to. To those individuals I say hello and welcome. But really, what does that mean? Am I meant to lead two lives? Can I exist both 'professionally' and 'creatively'?

Let's find out shall we? I'll do my best to encourage my creativity after 4:00pm from now on.

For those dying to know, the last 6 months have been both crap and amazing.

For tonight I leave you with this:

"Because it is in pain that we find the meaning of life."

I've asked my self many times these past few months if I've hurt enough to gain that knowledge. Ultimately, our idea of the meaning life changes through time. So we will always hurt. But we will also become stronger.

Happy International Women's Day!

Today is International Women's Day.

Shameless Magazine posted an amazing article that really highlights why this day is so important, yet rarely celebrated and embraced.

Some of my favourites:

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. ~Madonna Ciccone

Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths. ~Lois Wyse

I think, therefore I'm single. ~Lizz Winstead

Why is it that men can be bastards and women must wear pearls and smile? ~Lynn Hecht Schafren

We do not remember days. We remember moments.

Let's be honest, the past week has been pretty fucked up for me.

I've had crazy highs, crazy lows, people leaving my life, people re-entering my life.

As one friend put it last week: I'm a tough cookie.

I met my gay husband (one of many) for dinner and drinks this evening. Yes, a Monday night, I know. I did not exceed my 2 drink max and made sure to sip on lots of aqua. We worked together and saw each other nearly every day last year but it has been nearly 1 year since we last saw each other - Facebook, you make not seeing people so easy. We got to talking about our pasts and travel and I said that I've really only travelled on my own as I've been on my own for most of my life. WHY??!?!? Was his only response. Good question dear. I have no idea. I have travelled Europe, Asia and North America all on my own. I've never let being single put my life on hold. This past week was especially difficult because for the first time in a while I was with someone that I had real chemistry with and wanted the same thing, but it had to end.

Now I'm officially single gal in vancouver again.

So, what's next?

I'm in flux. My job situation may change continents which means I'm hesitant to commit to anything in the off-chance that I have to let people down.

What I do want to commit to:

-Running more and more often

-Eating healthier (more fruits and veg)

-Acting on every social opportunity that I can to meet new people

-Take care of myself and treating myself every now and then.

-Reconnecting with people that I have lost touch with. Facebook does NOT count.

For now: at least my cat loves me.

PS - Feeling down? Visit: http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/20-uplifting-quotes-and-pieces

Day 17 - Your highs and lows of the last year

The last year has been an absolute yo-yo. I had the most amazing Jan, Feb & March. Then everything dropped out and depression sunk in.

I'm back at the low point again. And I'm fighting to keep my head above ground again.

Despite what most people think, you wear your feelings on your sleeve and mine certainly show through at work. I've fucked a few things up but proven myself in others.

I worked with the most amazing team of people from all over the world. For 6 months they were my life and support network. Then, one morning, they were gone and I had to return to real life. A brief escape to Thailand was not enough. Returning to work where nothing had changed and I had to be fit into a role that no one had for me was excruciating.

So now, I am in the process of deciding where I want to go from here. I really need some time off and time for myself.

Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music

I guess this is supposed to spark some debate or deep conversation. In reality, I love BEP, Madonna, Xtina and the rest of them. I like anything that makes me to one or more of the following:

dance

think

sing

move

smile

cry

DAy 15 - Your favourite Tumblrs

Oh gawd. There are so many.

That Obscure Object

Suicide Blonde

Curve Appeal

The Dainty Squid

Those would have to be my top 4. I have no idea how Tumblr works. I tried setting up an account once and it was a disaster. I decided to just follow instead.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory

My earliest and most consistent memory is during mom's nap time. I was very lucky to have a mom that was able to stay home and take care of me and my siblings. My mother has always been a 'napper' and afternoon naps were her time to put the kids down for a nap or send us downstairs to play quietly for an hour or so.

We had an old tv in the basement that had 13 channels then you had to select 'U' to go to the upper channels. I watched I Love Lucy on that tv every afternoon. I specifically remember when it was sunny out and a cloud passed by and made it darker in the house.

Strange memories, I know. Everything else I think of as a first memory seems made up or created in my head.

Tastes are certainly part of my memory and always have been: froot loops, cheerios, black forest cherry cake, potato chips, apple juice and mandarin oranges.

Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit

Anywhere?
That's not really an answer though.
I would absolutely love to go to Paris and just exist. Wander the city. Take fake art photos and enjoy every little corner of it. Find my favourite cafes and bakeries. Speak a little French, fail miserably and love every minute of it.
Some people that I've talked to could not stand Paris. They said it was dirty, unfriendly and unenjoyable. When I was there in 2005 I loved it (except for the 3 hour train experience to Versailles).
The grocer down the street from my hostel was friendly and we made small talk. The city was easy to navigate and the Metro system was incredible. It was the last city that I got to stay in all by myself. No family, no friends, just me.



Courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32086350@N05/3894589729/

Day 12 - Bullet your whole day

I'm so 20th Century. I had to confirm what I thought 'bulleting' was.

-Woke up at 6:00am
-Caught the early bus
-Ate breakfast consisting of blueberries and cereal
-Gave in and messaged the boy
-Boy responded and apologized for not calling last night
-Wasted time in team 'meeting' (no agenda)
-Attended another meeting (slightly more productive)
-Went to Starbucks for a chai latte - LOVE THEM
-Attended lunch time session on green activities
-Ate homemade chili for lunch
-Sat at desk and made phone calls
-Got an email about a potential overseas job
-Caught the train home
-Went to gym and had wicked workout (note to self, must do this more often)
-Heated up leftovers and watched Teen Mom 2
-Realized I'm incredibly behind on this list and decided to catch up
-Next: Bed with cat

Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up

I miss my walkman. A lot.
I have an iPod. I finally got one for Christmas but my old-school Mac won't let me download the new iTunes without upgrading the operating system (which costs money.)
In summary: there is no shuffling of an iPod for me.

iTunes DJ populated the following:
Zombie: The Cranberries
Spinning in Daffodils: Them Crooked Vultures
It Can't Come Quickly Enough: Scissor Sisters
Head over Feet: Alanis Morissette
two step: Dave Mathews
Know the Difference: INXS
Lily (My One and Only): The Smashing Pumpkins
My Strange Uncles From Abroad: Gogol Bordello
O.N.E.: Yeasayer

I should also mention that all my music is friend friends. Half of it I don't even recognize. It's always a surprise when I hit the iTunes DJ.

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss

Does anyone else think those are 2 VERY different things?

My first REAL kiss was when I was 18, on top of Burnaby Mountain, I think I was a little tipsy. It was with my first boyfriend (which was quite short-lived as her returned to his ex-girlfriend and dumped me while I was sick with the dreaded mono).
I honestly don't remember too much. It was cold, I was nervous and I think I did alright.

First love? I'm not really sure if I've experienced love. I refuse to write about my ex-bf that wasted over a year of my life. But I think I loved him. So we'll go with the fact that because I spent that time with him I know what I need and want for myself. Sort of like a Christina Aguilera song.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like

I was tasked a few months ago with writing a letter to myself, 20 or 30 years in the future. I haven't done that yet. I'll admit that I'm a little scared.
What do I want? Can I say right now what I want in the future and what does the future mean? 1 year? 5 years? 20 years?

What I know:
I want to travel more.
I want to feel loved.
I want to give more.
I do not want to be at the same job.
Yes, I would like a family. Is it scary to say that I think I have 10 years to this?

Right now, I can't see out of the fog. I just want to take a step and not fall right now. Though if I do fall I would like someone to give me a hand up.

Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life

These are counseling session questions, right? Because I feel like I'm going on a journey through me.

Satisfaction: Every time I've completed a race. I didn't care about coming in first or last. All that mattered was that I did it. My most memorable was a triathlon 2 years ago. I felt strong, surrounded by friends and that I did it all myself. I was going to write something career related but lately I have felt like absolute shite at work, so much that I'm sitting in my corner crying softly. I need to escape. I've never been one to sit quietly and let things run its course but right now that seems like the safest option.

Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if it fits your personality

Oh dear. I don't think I know enough about my zodiac sign, I've never really followed it.
I'm a Gemini.
I think that means that I have multiple sides to myself. I'm quiet yet animated, emotional yet stoic, forgiving yet I hold animosity against those that wrong me. I am self-aware and self-conscious at the same time.

Those that know Gemini's write up: do I fit it?

Delays - Days 04-06

Yes, I am a terrible blogger when it comes to commitment and following through on challenges.
One thing I have realized from challenges is that you must dust yourself off and keep on trucking.

So, Day 04 - Your views on religion
These have changed immensely since i was younger. Growing up in a bible-thumping town on the outskirts of Vancouver I grew to despise anyone that went to church regardless of the sect. Today, I am more easy going. I have taken several religious studies classes in university and realize now that there are principles among all of the worlds large and small religions that can make us better people. Ultimately, I'm a "golden rule" kind of girl. Treat others as you would have them treat you. Simple, I know, but I prefer to keep it simple. I've never attended a religious service (aside from funerals and weddings), Sundays were meant for sleeping in, going for walks and watching football or golf with my dad.

Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life
Wow - I don't know if I've ever really thought about it. Not detailed anyways. I've had my depressed moments were I wondering what life would be like without me. But the means of ending have not crossed my mind. Instead of ending my life I've always wondered about changing it completely and running away. Avoiding mortgage payments, work responsibilities and such. Maybe Paris, Australia, London. Anywhere but here.

Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself
Fuuuuuuck
1-I wear socks at night and kick them off in my sleep.
2-I practice everything that I say. Every situation. It never works out, but I pretend it will.
3-The person I've loved the most in my life will probably never know.
4-I have struggled with my weight my entire life. And I always will.
5-I love public speaking. I can't stand speakers that plan everything and even have jokes written out word for word.
6-If I could do school over again I would probably not have gone to university and instead done a vocational program.
7-I didn't take English in high school from grades 8-10, I took humanities and regret it.
8-I hold grudges. But try not to let them run my life.
9-I am currently bored of this 30 fact thing.
10-I have been called the most sexual person by a friend of mine.
11-I do not have cable.
12-I miss having cable, just a little.
13-Until I met oh sweetie I thought domestic tasks were not feminist/female positive. I am grateful she is part of my life.
14-Yes, I want children. Finding the right man to share this responsibility with is the hardest task of my life.
15-I have had few romantic things done for me. I really should coach guys on this.
16-I've contemplated 30 day vegetarian challenges but my pre-planning skills have lacked in the last year.
17-I went to Thailand last year and didn't have as much fun as I thought I would.
18-I am addicted to carbs.
19-Being both a night owl and an early bird is killer.
20-I have always been far too mature for my age.
21-I have hidden much of my original blog postings from you.
22-Thinking of my deceased family members will make me cry at any moment. Nana, Papa, Grandpa - you are missed.
23-I'm terrified that I will never meet someone that will stay with me for my whole life and share it with me.
24-I love shoes. I have bought pairs that I will never wear. I hope to one day wear them for someone special.
25-I am a white, anglo-saxon middle-class woman that has been mistaken as racist, colonist and ditzy. Appearances can be deceiving.
26-My ideal date would be dancing to Ella Fitzgerald in my apartment with the lights low.
27-There are some days that I feel extremely lonely and alone. Those 2 together are very depressing.
28-I wonder what it would be like to be with a girl again.
29-I can have full conversations in my sleep/dreams. They're scary realistic.
30-I'm too lazy to do a springform questionaire thing. If you want more, email or comment.

Almost forgot! Day 3!

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Fuck.
I hate drugs. I can't stand them. They tear families apart and ruin good people. Having known people close to me that have struggled with addiction in many forms, I truly with the stuff was banned. I don't buy into the argument about how some drugs have been colonized and blah, blah, blah. Evil. Pure and simple.
Saying that, however, I know that many people would disagree, especially the fact that I thoroughly enjoy several good drinks in a safe environment. I'm all about the safety. I dated a guy that had issues with alcohol that on at least 2 occasions drank and then drove. It was scary.
For both drugs and alcohol: be aware of your limits and the comfort level of those around you.

That is all from the desk of ~sg.

2021 - into the future

30 Day Challenge continued
Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years

Fuck. That's a scary question. In 10 years I'd prefer to be done my baby making, or at least on the last one. Shit, did I just say baby? Yes, in fact, I think I do want that. But I so rarely see myself there as I have yet to meet a guy to share a family with. A friend of mine recently asked me if I would think of having a child on my own and I wasn't sure about the answer. Single people that have children tend to be seen as selfish - but what about couples - isn't is selfish for couples to want to have children as well?
In 10 years I want to be a leader, confident and loved. Simple, yet true.