Perception

I'll ask for forgiveness up front as I feel that this entry is going to be a bit disjointed and probably a little random. But bare with me, please.

The people I have in my life are amazing. There are family, friends, random acquaintances, twitterazzi followers and followees that I have nothing but respect for. First of all: thank you for hanging in there with me. This week I had 2 separate folks tell me the same thing. Their summary: upon meeting me, first impressions would be that I am a fairly conservative person. What? Hold up. How? Have you actually listened to me?

(Before I continue I'll say that I did not take offence and if you're reading this please don't unfollow!)

It actually got me thinking. There are so many 'labels' that I can attribute to myself. Conservative just isn't one of them. I was a little shocked.

I'm a woman, a runner, feminist, sister, daughter, student of life, snowboarder, union member, planner, cat owner, pseudo-writer, an activist at heart.

I have struggled my entire life to be comfortable with who I am. I will never be a size 2. I will always have a booty, I will never be a crafty person that can knit a wicked scarf for a friend. I was the shy kid in the corner for years and even had a teacher tell my parents that I was ' too shy'. One day, it changed. The picture became a little more clear: not everyone is looking at you. If you are, you're doing something right. I've hosted a radio show, travelled the world (solo), worked on global events and this year, ran my first half marathon.

I am one of the most open-minded people out there (at least I think I am.) My friends are from all walks of life: India, China, Australia, artists, labourers, academics, gay, lesbian, trans, queer, with a disability, educated in school, educated in life, rich, poor. I embrace all of their differences and uniquenesses because they make me a better person. If you have a passion for life, I want to know you.

Back to the conservativeness though. I have been a little plain jane lately but mostly due to budgetary constraints and my tits are usually tucked away in classy clothes. Then of course there are special occasions where the fancy shoes come out and I wear some wicked tights.

I'm trying to get to a point here and it's not working out so well.

Basically, take a minute and get to know someone's story. Find out what makes them tick. Introduce yourself and meet the real person behind it all. Listen. Our initial perception is often incorrect.

After all this I still ask - who am I? Ask me tomorrow and it may be different.

Randomness

The past few weeks have been full of randomness and busyness. Which, if you know me, isn't necessarily unusual.

Autumn officially arrived this week and with it brought sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes from the Bux. Autumn is one of my favourite times of the year for a number of reasons. I sleep well at night, running in this weather means I don't have to feel like a sherpa and bring gallons of water along plus, sweaters come out :)

This month was also a big ticket purchase month. I finally sucked it up and bought a new computer. Thanks to jeremyball I purchased a beautiful Macbook Air. My poor iMac G5 from 2005 is looking sad, sitting on my desk.

I also had a relatively successful blind date last weekend AND we won at soccer. Not sure which one I'm happiest about. We'll see this Tuesday once we've had our second game and a second date.

For now, I'm off for vodka slurpees. More of a summer drink I know, but the Twitteratzi kids wanted to try it and I'm for IRL meet ups. Especially if they involve slurpees.

So yeah, nothing saucy from me right now. Very busy with lots of things. Life is pretty good. My new slogan for Monday-Friday is "Just get through the goddamn day." Just one day at a time.

Single gal out.

My mistake, I thought you weren't like the others

Ah, yes, those proclaiming to be unlike the others are generally just like the others. They play games, lead you on, send nice messages. And then. Nothing. Thank you for not being different, that would have been an absolute shock.

Really? I gave you respect when you didn't deserve it. Once again providing a laughable story to share with the world, or at least those on the grand internet.

But I digress, life is not all bad news. This wasn't even that terrible anyways. I've moved on. Very quickly.

Summer is closing out with a final burst of heat and while I enjoy the sun and the warmth I am looking forward to cooler weather and a renewed passion for running. It's a season of change. And I can't wait for a drastic change.

The above 'situation' happened a few weeks back - pretty much immediately after I posted my previous entry.

The following are reminders for any boys/men/males that happen to read blog, courtesy of http://therulesofagentleman.tumblr.com/. Read it. Take notes.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

(Note: This was written Friday evening after an unexpected wicked night out.)

I've made a point not to drunk blog whenever possible. Tonight is an exception as it come as a request.
Setting: the party (read: drunk) train ride home after the first epic day of vacation.
I've been up since 7am, done the Grouse Grind, had lunch at Wally's Burgers, had the 'precious' waxed, met a friend visiting from NYC for drinks and dinner and THEN met 2 absolutely hilarious guys from #twitter at a bar downtown and had a fabulous night. Needless to say their humour was on par with mine. We even talked #vagina, unphased. A-mazing.

Unfortunately responsibility and commitment call and I must be ready at 7:00 am for a ball tournament tomorrow. Sometimes I hate commitment. Especially when I'm actually having a fun night out and didn't really want to go home.
Alas, there is still summer yet and sleep is important. I wouldn't want to strike out tomorrow.

So this entry is fairly tame and does not have anything too risque for you followers/readers. I will however leave you with this thought: be patient, the stars do align when you least expect it.
Also, drink lots of water.

I'm off for a brief excursion to the US of America. Back Thursday!

...But sometimes it hurts instead...

This past weekend I had the immense pleasure of meeting someone from the 'twittersphere'. Interestingly enough he introduced me by name but also by my handle (as in single.) "What are you going to do when you're no longer single?" he asked. Well, what happened previously was I stopped blogging all together. I stopped as soon as things got serious. I don't know if he knew that I actually blogged under 'single gal.' I can't say that I hid it though, we shared my computer.
But back to the question at hand. After 2 days, I answer with the following: If someone is amazing and intelligent enough and treats me as I deserve I will no longer be single. And that person will be the luckiest person in the world. In turn, so shall I.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm going to stop you from getting all, "Poor single gal. You've got a great life." Yes, I know that. I am incredibly lucky to be where I am and to do what I have done with my life. Trust me, overall, I am happy. But it certainly doesn't mean you can't be even happier.

This past week was another one to shake your head at and go, "Guys, really?" My ex-boyfriend from 2000 (okay, also my first and short-lived boyfriend) said that he would be happy to hang out as friends and even happier to take me out on a date. Wait. What? (See previous post about my attitude about this.) I said I would be more comfortable being friends. We were supposed to hang out on Sunday but I didn't hear from him (dudes, seriously - stop doing this!!)
Then, this Sunday while returning from the beach that is Kitsilano I saw him. It's been over 2 months since I saw his disgusting, using, lying self. None other than the guy that pretty much broke my heart, twice. But I only saw his back and I doubt his saw me as my friend and I were across the street. Self-preservation was nearly lost as I wanted to run to the corner store, buy some chocolate and leave it lying, melting, on his car seats of his open-air jeep. (Aren't revenge fantasies fantastic?) Or I could just tell everyone he had a small penis and the big car, small penis saying is true in his case. But I wouldn't do that. (Even though it's totally true.)

This weekend also had some intriguing and revealing conversations with new people. I'm hoping these conversations continue and new friendships made.

The sun has now set, the fresh-from-the-oven banana loaf is ready for testing and there is a stack of clean laundry that needs to be put away.

PS - This blog title is borrowed from Adele's "Someone Like You". Truly amazing songstress. Thank you infinitely.

You were already cut

I have to laugh sometimes. Really, it's the only way to look at things.
Today's addition to 'Laugh at/with Single Gal' is the text message I received this morning:
"Hey -----. Sorry I haven't texted for a while. My ex had a change of heart and we started dating again. I don't multi date; I can barely handle on. Lol. I really enjoyed our time [together]!!!"

Really dude? You enjoyed your time with me. Duh! I think I already knew that. This dude was already cut and I hadn't thought about him since the day after we said farewell. Okay, maybe once but that doesn't really count.

A few points:
-I'm glad your ex had a change of heart. I hope you're happy together.
-Great semi-colon usage.
-Please, don't think that if you and your girl split again that you can call me. I rarely have a change of heart.



Besides - "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

Unfinished business Day 18: Your beliefs

Shit, of course I return to a difficult topic.

My beliefs in a nutshell:

You only live once. Do whatever you can to have an amazing story. Whether that means traveling a shit-tonne, volunteer, read the top 100 classic pieces of fiction or having a giant family of 12+ children. But make the most of every moment.
Do not sit idly waiting for adventure to come to you. Cancel your cable, tuck your phone away and go see the city. Talk to a stranger. Give a homeless guy a homemade muffin. Fight for your story!
Yes, there are times where the battle is simply not worth it. Yes, there are times when you are told by someone that your opinion is too strong and that you walk too loudly. That you have been quieter than normal and no one asks you why or checks in to see that everything is okay. And yes, sometimes you have to take it. Save your strength for battles that are truly worth fighting.
But for goodness sake, wear your high heels and piss them off. Live your life. It's the only one you have.

PS - If you wanted something deeper, it ain't happening tonight.

Learn from those steps

"You never fail, you simply produce results. Learn from these."

Movements which do not alter respiration are not called exercise." ~Galen, physician to the gladiators

This morning's events were a long time coming. Three years ago this July I started running. It was painful, it is still painful. But this morning I ran 21.1km. There were a few walk breaks in between. A few tears. A lot of pain. I didn't finish in the time I thought I would, but I finished something that three years ago, I didn't think I ever would. Finish my first half marathon.



I'll be honest, I thought I was better prepared, but when I hit the Burrard Street Bridge and started running up that hill, every step I took felt like I was hiking the Grouse Grind.
At the finish line I had family and friends waiting for me. Friends that while I don't get to see all the time, show their quality every time that it's needed. For that, I am grateful. My 'best friends' couldn't even call or text to wish me good luck. Puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?

Tomorrow, I jump back on the healthy train (after today's gorge of brunch at Milestones and then pizza for dinner.) I've got a wedding to attend in 2 months, damn it!

Lessons from today's events:
~Good people show up when you need them the most. Be sure to return the favour.
~Always carry water. Always.
~Sleep is underrated. Nothing beats a 3 hour, post 21.1km run.
~At some point we all hit a wall. If you choose to persevere, to continue, you have already succeeded.



Next time I'll talk about something more saucy or interesting. Today was all about running.

But only by the grace of kind strangers

Well, we're back. Lessons have been learned. Battles fought and backbones strengthened.

Let's get back to business shall we?

I've been outed to some that I did not expect to be outed to. To those individuals I say hello and welcome. But really, what does that mean? Am I meant to lead two lives? Can I exist both 'professionally' and 'creatively'?

Let's find out shall we? I'll do my best to encourage my creativity after 4:00pm from now on.

For those dying to know, the last 6 months have been both crap and amazing.

For tonight I leave you with this:

"Because it is in pain that we find the meaning of life."

I've asked my self many times these past few months if I've hurt enough to gain that knowledge. Ultimately, our idea of the meaning life changes through time. So we will always hurt. But we will also become stronger.

Happy International Women's Day!

Today is International Women's Day.

Shameless Magazine posted an amazing article that really highlights why this day is so important, yet rarely celebrated and embraced.

Some of my favourites:

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. ~Madonna Ciccone

Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths. ~Lois Wyse

I think, therefore I'm single. ~Lizz Winstead

Why is it that men can be bastards and women must wear pearls and smile? ~Lynn Hecht Schafren

We do not remember days. We remember moments.

Let's be honest, the past week has been pretty fucked up for me.

I've had crazy highs, crazy lows, people leaving my life, people re-entering my life.

As one friend put it last week: I'm a tough cookie.

I met my gay husband (one of many) for dinner and drinks this evening. Yes, a Monday night, I know. I did not exceed my 2 drink max and made sure to sip on lots of aqua. We worked together and saw each other nearly every day last year but it has been nearly 1 year since we last saw each other - Facebook, you make not seeing people so easy. We got to talking about our pasts and travel and I said that I've really only travelled on my own as I've been on my own for most of my life. WHY??!?!? Was his only response. Good question dear. I have no idea. I have travelled Europe, Asia and North America all on my own. I've never let being single put my life on hold. This past week was especially difficult because for the first time in a while I was with someone that I had real chemistry with and wanted the same thing, but it had to end.

Now I'm officially single gal in vancouver again.

So, what's next?

I'm in flux. My job situation may change continents which means I'm hesitant to commit to anything in the off-chance that I have to let people down.

What I do want to commit to:

-Running more and more often

-Eating healthier (more fruits and veg)

-Acting on every social opportunity that I can to meet new people

-Take care of myself and treating myself every now and then.

-Reconnecting with people that I have lost touch with. Facebook does NOT count.

For now: at least my cat loves me.

PS - Feeling down? Visit: http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/20-uplifting-quotes-and-pieces

Day 17 - Your highs and lows of the last year

The last year has been an absolute yo-yo. I had the most amazing Jan, Feb & March. Then everything dropped out and depression sunk in.

I'm back at the low point again. And I'm fighting to keep my head above ground again.

Despite what most people think, you wear your feelings on your sleeve and mine certainly show through at work. I've fucked a few things up but proven myself in others.

I worked with the most amazing team of people from all over the world. For 6 months they were my life and support network. Then, one morning, they were gone and I had to return to real life. A brief escape to Thailand was not enough. Returning to work where nothing had changed and I had to be fit into a role that no one had for me was excruciating.

So now, I am in the process of deciding where I want to go from here. I really need some time off and time for myself.

Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music

I guess this is supposed to spark some debate or deep conversation. In reality, I love BEP, Madonna, Xtina and the rest of them. I like anything that makes me to one or more of the following:

dance

think

sing

move

smile

cry

DAy 15 - Your favourite Tumblrs

Oh gawd. There are so many.

That Obscure Object

Suicide Blonde

Curve Appeal

The Dainty Squid

Those would have to be my top 4. I have no idea how Tumblr works. I tried setting up an account once and it was a disaster. I decided to just follow instead.

Day 14 - Your earliest memory

My earliest and most consistent memory is during mom's nap time. I was very lucky to have a mom that was able to stay home and take care of me and my siblings. My mother has always been a 'napper' and afternoon naps were her time to put the kids down for a nap or send us downstairs to play quietly for an hour or so.

We had an old tv in the basement that had 13 channels then you had to select 'U' to go to the upper channels. I watched I Love Lucy on that tv every afternoon. I specifically remember when it was sunny out and a cloud passed by and made it darker in the house.

Strange memories, I know. Everything else I think of as a first memory seems made up or created in my head.

Tastes are certainly part of my memory and always have been: froot loops, cheerios, black forest cherry cake, potato chips, apple juice and mandarin oranges.

Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit

Anywhere?
That's not really an answer though.
I would absolutely love to go to Paris and just exist. Wander the city. Take fake art photos and enjoy every little corner of it. Find my favourite cafes and bakeries. Speak a little French, fail miserably and love every minute of it.
Some people that I've talked to could not stand Paris. They said it was dirty, unfriendly and unenjoyable. When I was there in 2005 I loved it (except for the 3 hour train experience to Versailles).
The grocer down the street from my hostel was friendly and we made small talk. The city was easy to navigate and the Metro system was incredible. It was the last city that I got to stay in all by myself. No family, no friends, just me.



Courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32086350@N05/3894589729/

Day 12 - Bullet your whole day

I'm so 20th Century. I had to confirm what I thought 'bulleting' was.

-Woke up at 6:00am
-Caught the early bus
-Ate breakfast consisting of blueberries and cereal
-Gave in and messaged the boy
-Boy responded and apologized for not calling last night
-Wasted time in team 'meeting' (no agenda)
-Attended another meeting (slightly more productive)
-Went to Starbucks for a chai latte - LOVE THEM
-Attended lunch time session on green activities
-Ate homemade chili for lunch
-Sat at desk and made phone calls
-Got an email about a potential overseas job
-Caught the train home
-Went to gym and had wicked workout (note to self, must do this more often)
-Heated up leftovers and watched Teen Mom 2
-Realized I'm incredibly behind on this list and decided to catch up
-Next: Bed with cat

Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up

I miss my walkman. A lot.
I have an iPod. I finally got one for Christmas but my old-school Mac won't let me download the new iTunes without upgrading the operating system (which costs money.)
In summary: there is no shuffling of an iPod for me.

iTunes DJ populated the following:
Zombie: The Cranberries
Spinning in Daffodils: Them Crooked Vultures
It Can't Come Quickly Enough: Scissor Sisters
Head over Feet: Alanis Morissette
two step: Dave Mathews
Know the Difference: INXS
Lily (My One and Only): The Smashing Pumpkins
My Strange Uncles From Abroad: Gogol Bordello
O.N.E.: Yeasayer

I should also mention that all my music is friend friends. Half of it I don't even recognize. It's always a surprise when I hit the iTunes DJ.

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss

Does anyone else think those are 2 VERY different things?

My first REAL kiss was when I was 18, on top of Burnaby Mountain, I think I was a little tipsy. It was with my first boyfriend (which was quite short-lived as her returned to his ex-girlfriend and dumped me while I was sick with the dreaded mono).
I honestly don't remember too much. It was cold, I was nervous and I think I did alright.

First love? I'm not really sure if I've experienced love. I refuse to write about my ex-bf that wasted over a year of my life. But I think I loved him. So we'll go with the fact that because I spent that time with him I know what I need and want for myself. Sort of like a Christina Aguilera song.

Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like

I was tasked a few months ago with writing a letter to myself, 20 or 30 years in the future. I haven't done that yet. I'll admit that I'm a little scared.
What do I want? Can I say right now what I want in the future and what does the future mean? 1 year? 5 years? 20 years?

What I know:
I want to travel more.
I want to feel loved.
I want to give more.
I do not want to be at the same job.
Yes, I would like a family. Is it scary to say that I think I have 10 years to this?

Right now, I can't see out of the fog. I just want to take a step and not fall right now. Though if I do fall I would like someone to give me a hand up.